For terminally ill patients and their loved ones, it’s painful to decide where they will spend their last days.
That was the case for the family of one local woman who passed away at Shepherd Home in June after falling ill unexpectedly. Marilyn Stanwick moved into Shepherd Home after doctors told her there was nothing they could do to save her.
Her niece Mary Lou Ferguson said the next step was finding a place where she would be as comfortable as possible.
“Just knowing that (she would never come out again),” said Ferguson, through tears. “I said, ‘I can’t believe she’s coming here to die. I can’t believe I have to do this.’ It was very hard.”
Shepherd Home functions like a hospice, and offers free 24-hour care to patients from a volunteer staff who look for opportunities to make a few final memories for their guests.
“Even though they’re dying, there’s still a lot of living going on here,” said Shepherd Home Director Betsy Inglis.
Stanwick was born and raised in the city of Rochester and pursued a career in nursing. For nearly 30 years, she worked as head nurse at Monroe County Jail.
Her cousin Carolyn D’Angelo said Stanwick was known as a “tough cookie” who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. In spite of her thick skin, she was endeared by many.
“She loved to do for others, and she had so many friends that it was shocking,” said D’Angelo. “I really felt that almost every person she ever met became her friend and loved her dearly.”
She married her husband of 25 years, Bob Stanwick, who passed away in 2008. She had two stepdaughters, five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.
Always active, she walked to work every day and enjoyed cooking for guests and gardening. But one of her favorite hobbies was horseback riding. In recent years, she started leasing a horse named Buckley and rode him at Thistledale Farm, in Bloomfield.
“Her goal was to be able to ride her horse when she was 70,” said D’Angelo.
One day she fell off a horse that left her with a bump on her left leg. It continued to grow, but Stanwick shrugged off the pain until she came back to the hospital months later in May 2011 with a broken shoulder. After treating the shoulder, doctors examined her leg.
The diagnosis was Stage 4 liposarcoma — a malignant tumor that had spread to her bones and vital organs. Cancer treatment was unable to stop the disease from taking over, and instead of moving her to a nursing home, Stanwick, 68, and her family decided on Shepherd Home. She spent the last three weeks of her life there, surrounded by friends and family.
For terminally ill patients and their loved ones, it’s painful to decide where they will spend their last days.
That was the case for the family of one local woman who passed away at Shepherd Home in June after falling ill unexpectedly. Marilyn Stanwick moved into Shepherd Home after doctors told her there was nothing they could do to save her.
Her niece Mary Lou Ferguson said the next step was finding a place where she would be as comfortable as possible.
“Just knowing that (she would never come out again),” said Ferguson, through tears. “I said, ‘I can’t believe she’s coming here to die. I can’t believe I have to do this.’ It was very hard.”
Shepherd Home functions like a hospice, and offers free 24-hour care to patients from a volunteer staff who look for opportunities to make a few final memories for their guests.
“Even though they’re dying, there’s still a lot of living going on here,” said Shepherd Home Director Betsy Inglis.
Stanwick was born and raised in the city of Rochester and pursued a career in nursing. For nearly 30 years, she worked as head nurse at Monroe County Jail.
Her cousin Carolyn D’Angelo said Stanwick was known as a “tough cookie” who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. In spite of her thick skin, she was endeared by many.
“She loved to do for others, and she had so many friends that it was shocking,” said D’Angelo. “I really felt that almost every person she ever met became her friend and loved her dearly.”
She married her husband of 25 years, Bob Stanwick, who passed away in 2008. She had two stepdaughters, five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.
Always active, she walked to work every day and enjoyed cooking for guests and gardening. But one of her favorite hobbies was horseback riding. In recent years, she started leasing a horse named Buckley and rode him at Thistledale Farm, in Bloomfield.
“Her goal was to be able to ride her horse when she was 70,” said D’Angelo.
One day she fell off a horse that left her with a bump on her left leg. It continued to grow, but Stanwick shrugged off the pain until she came back to the hospital months later in May 2011 with a broken shoulder. After treating the shoulder, doctors examined her leg.
The diagnosis was Stage 4 liposarcoma — a malignant tumor that had spread to her bones and vital organs. Cancer treatment was unable to stop the disease from taking over, and instead of moving her to a nursing home, Stanwick, 68, and her family decided on Shepherd Home. She spent the last three weeks of her life there, surrounded by friends and family.
As someone who wanted to be in control of her own life, it was especially difficult to accept her diagnosis in the beginning.
“She was amazing in her ability to handle this,” D’Angelo said. “Every time we went to the doctor, it was bad news. Then they’d throw in, ‘Maybe if we did this, we can delay your death.’ She cried in the beginning, but eventually she just kind of went with it.”
Inglis said volunteers grew to love Standwick’s company, whether they were administering pain medication, talking with her, or preparing her favorite Italian dishes.
“It was very clear to us how much she loved life,” Inglis said. “She knew she was facing her death, and I think she wanted to do it as gracefully as she could.”
In May, Stanwick had a special visitor that Shepherd Home staff won’t soon forget. A friend brought her horse, Buckley, to the home and brought him into the backyard. Although she was unable to walk, staff wheeled Stanwick’s bed outside where she fed the horse carrots. The other patient was also brought outside and did the same.
The home has a track record of making special moments like these. Last year, staff held a wedding ceremony for a patient and her husband who never had a wedding of their own. The real goal, Inglis explained, is making patients and their families feel at ease.
Ferguson, of Avon, drove up every week to visit her aunt. She was skeptical about leaving her with strangers at first, but said that changed with time.
“The people here make you feel comfortable,” said Ferguson. “You don’t feel funny about going into the refrigerator or doing something in the kitchen or asking for something. It’s just like being home.”
Loved ones are encouraged to stay overnight, and there are guest rooms and pull out couches.
There are about 65 volunteers who care for patients around the clock and about 35 more who help in other ways, like maintenance or technical support. This month marks the kickoff of their annual appeal to donors to ensure this services continue for others.
For Stanwick, it became her final place of rest.
“She’s moved from her house to our house is how we look at it,” Inglis said.
